My pretendian journey began with an interest in exploring my wife’s supposed family Native heritage. We joined ourselves to an inter-tribal group and then to a Lenape “nation”. This was followed, in turn, by other “nations” and groups until my wife had had her fill and largely moved on to other, more familial, matters.
But I couldn’t let go. I continued to attend powwows and tell stories. For a little while, my wife and I continued to educate at a local exhibition and frequented another inter-tribal association. But, gradually, we stopped participating in the local pretendian community.
So, I turned to Internet oriented Native activities, e.g. forums and chat groups. I developed and maintained friendships with various Native people across the country. And I continued to study. I attempted to learn a dialect of the Lenape language. I was drawn to Native life like a magnet.
There comes a point in your journey where a casual interest becomes a driving passion and then becomes a lifestyle. I found resonance in the Native mindset and spiritual traditions. I learned and practiced ceremony for myself. I learned to listen more than speak. And I continued to study.
Finally, there comes a day when you realize that you don’t remember how to be anything other than a pretendian. It is fully integrated into your being. I cannot return to the person I was 20 years ago. I don’t see the world in the same way. Hopefully, I have lost much of the colonizer mindset I was raised with. Prayerfully, my ambitions are turned outward to helping others more than myself.
I still periodically attend a local powwow. This is not because of any allegiance to or affinity for the host organization, but because I have an innate need to dance in the circle and feel the heartbeat of the drum. Given the opportunity, there are several powwows and events that I would like to attend at least once; a bucket list, if you will.
I recently received an ongoing opportunity to tell stories and educate locally, periodically throughout the year. This encourages me to continue to study and research, so that I do not find myself numbered among those I have been calling out on this blog!
I have developed a driving ambition to give of myself to the Native community, regardless of any prevailing attitude. I have been given a vision of how I can integrate myself into the Native community, not by force, but by service and active participation.
The Native lifestyle and mindset is no longer a pursuit of curiosity; a hobby, a weekend diversion. It is the major part of who I am and how I view the world around me. It colors my being and consumes my non-professional time. It is my passion. Call me pretendian if you must; my spirit camps among the People.